Being transparent is always a double-edged sword. Rarely are people (readers) comfortable with what needs to be shared. And one would think that those who offer help would be more comfortable with taboo topics like suicide being openly shared, but they’re not either. After learning that Karyn Washington, my friend and popular blogger, committed suicide I got this brilliant idea to open up to my readers, the random Internet perusers, and hell, the entire world. I confessed to battling depression after my mother died within a year of being diagnosed of stage 4 Lymphoma. Watching my mother die and then wanting her to die because of all the pain she was in, put me in a terrible head space.
I usually don’t post on Saturdays. I take the weekends to recharge my brain, be a lazy bum and maybe cook some Jambalaya. But today I broke one of my golden rules of blogging and flipped my laptop open and perused the Internet.
My traffic has been down so I’ve been stalking Google analytics to figure out how I can improve my numbers. One of those secrets is partnering with other websites (that’s another blog post). As I was checking out who has been talking about GorgeousInGrey, I came across a referral from BuzzFeed.
I woke up this morning and reached for my phone. My morning ritual is a deep scrolling of Facebook. After a few posts I noticed a familiar name, Karyn Washington. But the post wasn’t from her.
The post declared that Karyn Washington, founder of For Brown Girls and the popular campaign #DarkGirlsRedLip, had committed suicide. I paused and immediately hopped up out of bed. This could not be true. Searching for the answers, or hopefully the lies, I clicked around Facebook. I went to Karyn’s Facebook profile and instantly broke out into an uncontrollable bubble-snot cry.