Beyonce Cake By The Pound Sweatshirt Gorgeous In Grey-2

I’m not like a Beyonce stan or anything. I was one of the millions who bashed her for those bangs and I refuse to throw up any of those gang signs she keeps prompting us to do. Except when her songs are playing.

Wait…does that make me a stan? Humph, let me reevaluate my status.

Ok so maybe I stanned a bit when I got an email from Beyonce’s publicist. My eyes got all big at the thought of interviewing her. But that ain’t what the email was about. Le sigh.

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Beyonce is perfect, okay? Well, at least that’s what the #BeyHive coalition who is pointing the lacefront glue at me is telling me to type. She can do no wrong, and everyone else just has to snatch their lives and DEAL WITH IT.

[Whispers] Is the #BeyHive gone yet? They are? Cool. Lean in. Closer… yes, closer… you’re a little too close, back up. Ion’t like people all in my space like that. While the Queen Bey might be seemingly perfect, and — now this may be hard to believe — there are a few things she can’t do. Now, while I haven’t talked to her in a good while, let me clue you into the things, I bet my bottom Sacajawea she simply has no way around.

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beyonce grammy dress

Believe it or not, for us twenty-something-year olds, Beyoncé has been in our life for more than half of it. When Destiny’s Child dropped their first album in 1998, I was 10. I remember sitting in orchestra class, the day after The Writings on The Wall came out, and having a debate with a group of girls on why Beyoncé was the only one that ever sang lead. “Uh… cuz her mama is the designer and her daddy is their manager, why do you think she only sings lead?” I said. (Yes, I’ve been this snarky for a looooong time, believe it or not).

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beyonce gifs

I swear Beyonce is really a robot! I mean, one damn human being just cannot be this fabulous all the freaking time, gees!

But don’t get me wrong. I’ve always adored Beyonce. Even in her Destiny’s Child days, it was clear that she was that bish! Now with millions of records sold, and a cloned Jay Z preteen attached to her hips I am convinced if I were to cut her arm real deep there would be wires and maybe even an on/off switch somewhere!

But if being a robot meant being Beyonce, I’d totes trade my kinda-awesome life for hers any day! So I was thinking…well…could I be Beyonce? What would I do?! Here’s the thing. I am going HAM. Doing all types of ridiculousness that shouldn’t ever be done but because I’m a robot y’all ain’t gonna care no ways!

So here are five things that I’m doing when I figure out how to be Beyonce.

Beyonce and these Reeboks x Keith Haring, OOOW!

I am not sure if you know it, or if you really care, BUT I love Beyonce… secretly. I’m not even sure why I don’t want to admit it to myself. I mean, I am not ashamed. But I really do find myself chasing her every move. Especially when it comes to what she’s wearing or what fabulous side part she’s rocking in her marvelous weaves. And I know it’s not just me! So don’t play homie.. like you don’t love King Bey too.

So now that my obsession is clear to you, do you mind contributing your hard earned money to my Get-Beyonce-Sneakers fund. These Reebok x Keith Haring are not even her sneakers, she just so happened to be sporting them fully clothed while in the shower–don’t ask! 

beyonce reebok x kevin haring

The internet chatter for these sneakers is amazing! But no one is sharing where to buy them. If you happen to see a link to buy, do your girl a favor… tweet me please! Or you can do one even better and take one for the team. I will text you my address. K BYE!

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