Oh it’s slightly bitter sweet to even type that. Never in a thousand years did I really think I would be able to say it. I mean, we all dream. Hell I got tons more written down. Some big and some small. But who can say they’re really going after them.
Especially at 35 years old. It seems like the older we get, our dreams get smaller and eventually disappear into the grown-up abyss of stability and routines.
My previous job, which you all know as my FTJ, was filled with routines. I worked at Baltimore City Child Support registering new cases ALL DAY from 8:47am (I was always late) to about 4:45pm. To this day, I can answer any question there is about getting your child support case started and what could or does happens next. I had worked in almost all the departments at the agency, but I had never been promoted. That’s a conversation we have to have over cocktails.
I had applied for a transfer to New York and months later still hadn’t heard anything. I woke up one June morning sweating from frustration. When I finally got to work I was so irritated. By my cubical that held no signs of privacy, my stupid hard chair, my nagging boss, the loud folks in the kitchen … everything was annoying. I went to the bathroom, and cried. Cried silently. Then I cried loudly. I cried for a about 20 minutes. When I finally got myself together I came back to my desk, got my calendar, and flipped to August. I circled August 10th, 2012 on my calendar. I stared at it for a while. I wrote it down. 8/10/12, 8/10/12, 8/10,12. Over and over and over again, I wrote it. I logged onto my computer and began to write my resignation letter. Short and sweet. Basically thank you but I’m out.
The minute I handed in my resignation I was scared. I had originally planned to save money, and all this other yadah yadah yadah (read that post here). But I hadn’t really done anything but talk about it. Second thoughts ran throw my mind. But I refused to be made into a fool so I couldn’t take it back as much as I really wanted to initially. I started saving money, called my NY besties for my claim on her couch, and I was set.
Then in July my world crashed. A few days after the July 4th weekend my Mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. My next few weeks were filled with fear, anger, uncertainty, and more importantly guilt. We prepared her living will and my plan was to just take off work, skip NY for a few months, and spend time with her. But she told me that she knew how much I wanted to move, and that I needed to move to become a great writer. She told me she was proud of me. I think it was the first time as an adult I remember her saying that. It felt amazing.
But as an adult we still need confirmation that our decisions are the right ones. So I looked for signs that this was it. The Saturday after I quit my job I sent a text which I now recognize was the start of this move. I reached out to a good girlfriend, fellow blogger, to see if there were any contributing positions open at her job. I’m thinking if I can freelance for a few pubs I should be straight.
She replied and said that they were actually hiring and she’d forward my resume to her boss. I interviewed that Thursday and was hired on the spot. Perfect timing. I got a job as an Editorial Assistant. At the bottom of the chain of editors BUT still on the chain. I’m in NY Mon-Fri and home on the weekends because with my sudden great news I didn’t get a chance to pack. Sure I should have been packing my things in June but who really believed I was moving to New York, not me.
So what did I learn from all of this:
1. God will make things happen for you. I don’t really speak about my spirituality much on here because it’s all about fashion and beauty on GIG. But sometimes it’s just worth typing.
2. Family is important but so it your sanity. My family means more to me than anything. And yes I will miss them. But I will go insane staying and not conquering my dreams because life is happening. Some call it the devil. I refuse to acknowledge him.
3. Take one day at a time and enjoy the journey. People keep asking me, am I excited. Excited isn’t a word I would use. I’m scared as sh*t but too grateful to accept that fear in my world. I know that not many people have the courage to get out of their own way and make things happen. So I vow to suck up every bit of the journey for all the good it is.
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