I swear Beyonce is really a robot! I mean, one damn human being just cannot be this fabulous all the freaking time, gees!
But don’t get me wrong. I’ve always adored Beyonce. Even in her Destiny’s Child days, it was clear that she was that bish! Now with millions of records sold, and a cloned Jay Z preteen attached to her hips I am convinced if I were to cut her arm real deep there would be wires and maybe even an on/off switch somewhere!
But if being a robot meant being Beyonce, I’d totes trade my kinda-awesome life for hers any day! So I was thinking… well… could I be Beyonce? What would I do?! Here’s the thing. I am going HAM. Doing all types of ridiculousness that shouldn’t ever be done but because I’m a robot y’all ain’t gonna care no ways!
So here are five things that I’m doing when I figure out how to be Beyonce.
1. If I were Beyonce I’d break out into a shimmy at any given moment!
Whether I was excited, sad, pissed, indifferent… if I were Beyonce I would break out into the shimmy just because. I would totally replace my nods for a shimmy! Left nod= no. Right nod=yes!
2. If I were Beyonce I would incorporate a hair flip at the beginning of my signature walk!
Actually now that my hair is straight, this is me! Seriously. I need a weave though.
3. If I were Beyonce I would introduce myself with a body roll!
As if being Beyonce would really need an introduction. I would really just do it to fu*k with people. Imagine, I enter the room. I pause for at least seven seconds, and then I break out into a body roll circa Ciara‘s “Body Party” video but only better! How epically great is that!!!
4. If I were Beyonce my already epic side eye would be upgraded to this! To know me, is to know my side eyes.
But if I were King Bey, my side eye game might hurt all y’alls feeling in real life. And because I was Bey, you’d just accept it and get over it, quickly! #BOWDOWNBITCHES
5. If I were Beyonce I’d make this face after each sentence where I’ve used the word money because I’d be so excited to be a billionaire.
Again, I think I’d just really eff with people. Especially my haters. Or people who stare at my hair. Oh wait. I should try this tomorrow.
So is there anybody in the world that you’d love to trade shoes for a day. Or who do you think it’s Beyonce’s robot twin?
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