Being transparent is always a double-edged sword. Rarely are people (readers) comfortable with what needs to be shared. And one would think that those who offer help would be more comfortable with taboo topics like suicide being openly shared, but they’re not either. After learning that Karyn Washington, my friend and popular blogger, committed suicide I got this brilliant idea to open up to my readers, the random Internet perusers, and hell, the entire world. I confessed to battling depression after my mother diedwithin a year of being diagnosed of stage 4 Lymphoma. Watching my mother die and then wanting her to die because of all the pain she was in, put me in a terrible head space.
I sat and watched The Other Woman thinking this could never happen to me (XO to Popsugar for the fabulous screening party). It’s a story of a very unlikely and unconventional friendship between a wife, the girlfriend and…another girlfriend. Nope, could never be me!
But after watching the movie I realized that this could be me. Besides the fact that each woman had a closet that I swooned for, each character was endearing and lovable.
I woke up this morning and reached for my phone. My morning ritual is a deep scrolling of Facebook. After a few posts I noticed a familiar name, Karyn Washington. But the post wasn’t from her.
The post declared that Karyn Washington, founder of For Brown Girlsand the popular campaign #DarkGirlsRedLip, had committed suicide. I paused and immediately hopped up out of bed. This could not be true. Searching for the answers, or hopefully the lies, I clicked around Facebook. I went to Karyn’s Facebook profile and instantly broke out into an uncontrollable bubble-snot cry.
So back in February 2014, I was a guest on the Dr. Oz show. When I got the email I was super excited and immediately said yes without even really knowing what the segment was about. I mean duh, I was going to be on TV (again). I could have been talking about how to trim your nose hairs for all I cared.
So it’s Friday night and you’ve been in the house all day with no intentions on showing your face to the outside world. Not to mention it’s raining outside and that warm air has now turned into a brisk breeze. You get bored and decide to search for new apps on your iPhone because duh…that’s what Friday nights are for–new apps?! But what happens next you could have never imagined.
The biggest party of the year happens this weekend, and I am filled with excitement. I’m attending my first Oscar viewing party here in New York (sounds fancy right)! I think I might bring out the tutu that I bought last summer, and never wore, for this occasion.